The land of opportunity.

One of the things which makes it not too hard to be successful (American euphemism for “make tons of money”) in the United States is the willing audience of sheep dying to proffer their credit cards for your product at the blink of an eye. That and a spot of the old work ethic and a Cadillac is yours. No native ability required.

Historically, the winner of the ‘dumbest customer base’ has been Apple with its overpriced products emphasizing form over function, though in past years that claim to fame has faded as their products have become more attractively priced and those of the opposition worse than ever, if that is possible. Dell PCs or Windows 8, anyone? At least OS X and iOS (mostly) work.

So it amused me no end to see this vulgar display the other day on my morning bike ride. My means of transportation, by the way, is pedal powered, no solar in evidence, but I dare say the manufacture of the rubber and steel in it did not reduce global pollution. However, it affords me sanctimonious California/vegetarian/healthy bragging rights.

Clean energy – no solar panels in sight.

Tesla cars, you should know, are now ten a penny in the Bay Area and, without a doubt, they are pretty to behold. Every Googler striving ever more to steal and resell your personal data, aspires to this vehicle just as soon as his first bonus check clears. (Annual review: “You did real good, Scotty, 25 million new suckers …. errr …. accounts added!”) He will console himself that he is helping information be free (you pay for that in your monthly telco/cable bill, it’s free to Google), further comforted by the knowledge that his Tesla purchase is not only supporting a great American entrepreneur CEO, more importantly it’s helping the environment.

Except he could not be more wrong on both counts.

That estimable CEO, Mr. Musk of Tesla and SpaceX fame, is one of the leading experts in feeding at the government trough, and more power to him. Your Tesla comes with umpteen federal, state and local government subsidies which helps the great Elon collect mightily. So what? you object. That’s the American Way. And even if he makes no money, just look what he is doing for the environment.

Well, he is destroying that much vaunted environment. Nearly all of America’s electricity – as used by this Tesla driver – comes from the dirtiest fuel source on earth. Coal. Every electric car on the road is responsible for the annual discharge of tons of fossil particulates into the air we breathe. But the Tesla is no ordinary car, for it’s a polluter which does not cease giving even after EndOfLife. There’s all those deadly poisons in lithium batteries which kept your coal fueled car purring along for the past few years to worry about. What do we do with these? Bury them? Send them to the planet Krypton? Export them to some eastern European hell? Gasoline engines? Back to the furnace, cast, forge, machine, recycle. Pollution? Meh.

By all means feel free to buy one of these serial polluters. They are pretty, quiet and fast, even if they don’t go too far on a coal charge. But please, at least make sure your time is worth more than this owner’s and have the sense to have access to a garage in which to park and recharge the thing. Twenty minutes of prep, removing/replacing that boastful cover every time you park, suggests that not only is your time worthless, you really should have stuck with the Caddy. Between recalls, that is. And when it’s raining ….

iPhone5 snap.