Fool me once….

The latest unstitched invitation.

There are no blacks, Hispanics or Chinese in LL Bean’s world. Or maybe they know I am none of those and choose the cover image to suit their algorithm. No, their cover models are always white, in their late twenties, suffer from inherited wealth and smart choice of parents and oh! so happy in their blissful unawareness of the working world.

And there’s always a dog. They must know I love dogs. Maybe they bought that ‘intelligence’ from the thieves at Google as I have been known to surf dog images. Especially those of Border Terriers.

And the teeth – the dog’s and the WASPs’ – are always perfect, as befits American marketing at its best.

I have put up with LL Bean’s pandering for years and even visited their mega-store in lovely Freeport, Maine when we were checking out the ‘BBC’ colleges (Bates, Bowdoin and Colby) in that remote state, coming away suitably impressed. With the store and the schools. Heck, I bought their clothing for years, both for myself and my son.

Now, no more. Every Item of clothing bought in the last year or two has failed prematurely. If it has buttons, they come off soon after purchase. And I am about as likely to sew on a button as I am to change a diaper, which is to say not at all. Seams split as soon as you look at them. Though sized correctly, the arm seam on LL Bean’s ubiquitous polo shirts splits after a few months wear, and that’s at $45 a pop. Amazon’s ‘Essentials’ line runs all of $15 each, the seams never split and they last forever. Which is a good deal longer than LLB’s. For all I know Amazon’s are made of the same Chinese cloth, if stitched elsewhere. What I do know is that I get three for the price of one. LLB’s slippers? Aptly named as the insoles in LLB’s slip out after mere weeks of wear. I did not know these were a DIY project when I shelled out for them. They could at least have included a tube of adhesive.

So keep sending those WASP catalogs, LLB, as I love the cover images, so expertly crafted and targeted, especially those of the dogs. But I will not be darkening your order desk again. You have fooled me too many times.