Taste and money rarely mix.

Apple has had several justly famous advertising campaigns, from the ‘1984’ ad where an athlete hurls a sledgehammer at a movie screen in a theater filled with automatons, to the ‘Think Different’ series which adulated original thinkers. But maybe the most beloved was the long running ‘I’m a Mac and I’m a PC’ with the comedian John Hodgman as the nerdy and lovable PC-using klutz and, well, Justin Long. Long portrayed the oh! so cool Mac user and his smarmy, condescending, hipster presence did nothing to endear prospects to the Apple brand, for it was Hodgman viewers tuned in to view. One of the best known ads had PC swathed in bandages head to toe, explaining that his multiple crashes were the cause. Another had him on the shrink’s couch relating how unloved he was. Hodgman simply nailed it.

Nerd and hipster.

Before examining the new Intel ads claiming their CPUs are superior to Apple’s new M1 – a CPU which is universally lauded as redefining the realms of possibility in Macs – it bears to relate Apple’s history with CPU makers. The Motorola 68000 family in early Apple ][ computers could not hold it own, Motorola falling behind the performance game, and gave way to the IBM G3/4/5 series. Capable performers, these suffered from high heat output and, when Steve Jobs asked for a cool running successor to the G3 in the fabulous Powerbook notebook, IBM gave him the G4 which did a more than passable imitation of a toaster. It ran that hot. So Steve started the team working on converting the product line to Intel’s CPUs and did so successfully until …. Intel started repeating the errors of Motorola and IBM. Slow development cycles, loss of competitive position, we had seen it all before. But Apple, as always looking down the road, had an answer, having been sub-contracting design and development of its iPhone and iPad CPUs to ARM with whom the company increasingly adopted a tailored approach, not willing to rest on the laurels of a commodity product suitable for all.

This exercise culminated last year in Apple going whole hog and developing its own M1 CPU which not only derived from the state-of-the-art A14 in the iPhone, it also spanked the competition on performance (high) and power use and heat output (low). It was such a success that Apple has started migrating its notebooks and the Mac Mini to the M1 and later this year will do the same for the iMac and Mac Pro.

So Intel, always a day late and an idea short, felt it had to strike back and hired the louche Long, ever willing to prostitute his C-list Hollywood credentials, to talk up the advantages of Intel’s latest (very late) and (not so) greatest CPUs. And they got it so wrong, it’s comical to behold. Not only is Long still smarmy and condescending – characteristics as tied to the actor as the sneer is to Donald Sutherland – it’s really quite unclear what he is going on about.

See what I mean about Long?

For the whole story, capably reported by Apple Insider, click here.